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Paul Beer

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Paul Beer

Paul Beer is a Toronto writer, actor and comedian. Follow Paul @pauldanielbeer. Read his posts every Friday on Slice.ca.

New Year’s Resolutions for a Home with a Baby

Posted by Paul Beer Monday, January 7, 2013 11:00 AM EDT

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Baby gate

 

Happy New Year, everyone. Last year brought much joy, laughter and surprises — but enough about the season finale of Leave it to Bryan. 2012 was also the year my wife and I became parents. It’s been a thrilling, challenging time and we’ve had to make a number of adjustments, many of them design-related. In this space at this time last year, I made a number of design resolutions. It’s time to revisit them and see how I fared.

 

1. Declutter
What I Said: “The desk that I’m currently sitting at is less a functional piece of furniture than it is an elevated platform for scraps of papers, DVDs and packs of undeveloped Polaroid film. I don’t want to be found crushed under all this one day.”

How’d I Do? I’m happy to announce that my desk is virtually clutter-free; it even sports a tidy corkboard, for the display of postcards and a calendar. I’m going to start putting photos and newspaper clippings on there and connecting them with red string. THIS GOES ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP. Just don’t look too closely at the overflowing basket under the desk. The decluttering process was long and fraught, and involved weekly donation trips to Value Village, the renting of a storage space and the purchase of IKEA shelving. There’s still work to be done, but the place looks great and there’s now somewhat less of a chance of it appearing on a hoarding reality show.

Verdict: SUCCESS!

 

2. Frame Some Vintage Maps
What I Said: “I went through a (Nerd! Alert!) map-collecting phase as a kid, and managed to acquire lots of old, obscure maps, some of which are quite beautiful/fascinating... (My) intention was always to take some and frame them, perhaps displaying them all together on a single map wall.”

How’d I Do? Please direct all further questions to the stack of unframed maps in the basket under my desk. Look: I had a kid, all right? And do you have any idea how expensive frames for irregularly-sized vintage maps are? Seriously, do you? Because I never even checked.

Verdict: GET OFF MY BACK, UGH.

 

3. Babyproofing
What I Said: “Our apartment is currently a DEATHTRAP for a toddler...We’ve got two fairly serious sets of stairs, including one that kind of freaks me out to walk down. We have to take steps to protect our unborn child from our stuff, yes, but we also have to take steps to protect our stuff from our child.”

How’d I Do? Baby gates and socket plugs were purchased, and rooms were re-arranged to block dangerous outlets. We bought a lovely, thick, inexpensive rug from Home Sense for our baby to roll around on without fear of bonking her big head on the hard floor. While she’s not quite crawling yet, we can see that she’s right on the brink. Babyproofing will have to be stepped up shortly once more potential dangers are in play. But I fee pretty confident that we’ll stay at least a half-step ahead of her.

What I Said: SUCCESS!

Topics: Parenting, Safety, Baby, Gates, Resolutions

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